The Day I Heard, "I Can't Find A Heartbeat."
/
“I can’t find a heartbeat. I’m so sorry.”
I lay in stunned silence. It was just a routine check up. But, the results were anything but routine. My little “peanut”, my 9 week old baby lay still on the monitor. There was no heartbeat, no movement. He was gone. Not only was he gone, this was my second baby that I had lost. My heart wrenching cry broke the silence. And, then I couldn’t stop it. It just kept coming. My heart ached. I don’t remember much other than the nurse was thoughtful enough to slip me out the side door so I didn’t have to face the “audience” in the waiting room.
Fast forward 10 years, I’ve been married to my new husband, Bob, for three years and I’m pregnant again. I go in for routine blood work. It’s going to be different this time. I know it. But then the call comes. It's the doctor at 7 o’clock at night saying he’s calling me in a prescription. He wants me to come in the next day for an ultra sound. "If everything looks ok, we’ll talk." What?! “If, everything looks ok, we’ll talk”?! This doctor had the bed side manners of a brick. I got off the phone and updated my husband.
I tried to remain positive with him, but I couldn't help but think, “is this happening again...for the third time?” I remained strong for Bob. He’s never had to go through this before. We prayed and I went to the pharmacy to pick up the mysterious prescription. I went to bed, reminding myself what the Bible says about all this. The words, “The fruit of my womb is blessed.” And, “by Jesus stripes this baby was healed,” was what kept coming to my mind. So I kept repeating that to myself over and over.
I kept repeating His Word to myself over and over.
I called the doctor’s office first thing in the morning and they couldn’t get me in until 2:00 pm. Not really the time to have to wait all day to find out what’s going on. So, I go to work and wait it out. Through out the day, I reminded myself what God said in His Word. I keep telling myself that despite my past, this is going to be different.
Every time the doubt came, I came back with what God reminded me of that first night.
The time came to head to the doctor’s office. My husband Bob is with me. “I’m so glad I don’t have to be alone this time,” I thought. This is going to be different. I know it…I think.
The nurse takes us to the ultra sound room. It was about the size of the prize that came in the cracker jack box, maybe. I dressed in the customary tissue paper and we waited. By this time you’d think I would have been a nervous wreck. Surprisingly I wasn’t. I made fun jokes with Bob and we talked about how beautiful and special this baby is going to be. We talked about what it would be like to be parents. We smiled and laughed as if this was just a routine check up.
Finally, the technician came in. Here it comes, the defining moment. I think, “this is how I found out about losing my other two. I can’t look at that screen. What if…No, no what ifs.
Did I believe what God said was true or not?
Yes, I do.” I turned to look at that monitor, and there he was–the most precious, most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Our little “peanut,” heart beating away. Then I heard it–his heartbeat! No sound has ever sounded sweeter.
Each time I’ve heard my baby’s heartbeat (three babies now), I thank God for our healthy, happy baby. God is good and His Word is true and faithful.
No sound has ever sounded sweeter.
What are you going through right now?
Is your heart aching over your lost child? Or, maybe a broken marriage? Perhaps you’re in a financial crisis that has stolen your peace. Could it be you’re not even sure what’s wrong, but you know something’s just not right.
Whatever life moment you’re in the midst of, God’s is faithful. He’s faithful because He loves. He’s faithful because He is love. He loves you more than you can ever know.
Can I recommend you go to Him, broken pieces and all. He’s the only one I know that can bring life from death. He can give you joy even in the middle of painful circumstances. He can turn your situation around.
How? He’s given us something more powerful than anything on this earth–His Word.
It’s the Bible–His love letter to us. His promises to His children. There’s something specific in the Bible for you in the middle of your struggle. Figure out what it is for yourself. Then continue to remind yourself what God is telling you (what the scripture says) each time this problem or circumstance comes to your mind. As you do, you’re reminding your self that God is bigger than your battle and you’re learning to trust Him through it.
I can’t say this one act will fix it all, but it’s the perfect start.
This is what gets me through those tough times and reminds me who to thank in the good times.
“For they (His Words) bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body.” Proverbs 4:22 NLT