How To Bring The “Magic” Back In Your Marriage
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Photo by Ben Rosett on Unsplash
Let’s talk about being a wife for a minute.
Let me ask you, "why did you get married?" Did you marry your best friend? Were you “in love.”
Do you remember when you couldn’t stand to be apart? You would stay up until the wee hours of the morning because you didn’t want to say goodbye.
Bob and I used to stay up late watching movies. This was back in the day when we would use DVDs instead of streaming. Falling asleep to some of those DVD menus was the worst. I think the top of my worst list was A Knight’s Tale with Heath Ledger and Monsters INC. If you’ve heard these menus you know what I’m talking about.
But, why did we try to stay up that late? We loved hanging out together! We didn’t want to say good night!
When we got married, we started to get so much more sleep. 😴 We didn’t have to stay awake to hang out more.
Over time in a marriage, it becomes so easy to take the other one for granted. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and lose the “magic” without even thinking about it.
But that “magic” is so “magical!” How can you get the “magic” back in a marriage?
Remember, even if we don’t feel like it now, we did marry our men because we loved them. (Well, hopefully, we did. I’ve actually had a marriage like that first. And, that my friends, is a different blog post all together which you can check out here.)
We used to hang on our husband’s every word before we got married. Everything they said seemed funny! They were so clever…what happened?
Familiarity
Familiarity is getting so comfortable with someone or something that we forget how valuable that person or thing is.
Do you recall getting a new car? Or, a new house? You were so good about taking care of it…until you had it for a while. Then the specialness wore off.
Here are three ways to bring the “Magic” back in your marriage:
1. Be Thankful for your husband
Go back and remember what you loved about him when you were dating. Most likely, it’s still there, but we lost sight of it.
If you’re just not sure, start listing off the things you are thankful for him.
Does he hold down a job? Yay for him!
Is he faithful to you and your marriage? Go him!
Does he ever help around the house? Mow the lawn, wash the car, fix things, etc. Woohoo!!
Look for anything and everything he does good or even mostly good and be thankful for that.
Photo by Gus Moretta on Unsplash
2. Greet your husband like you're excited to see him
Tell me, when you’re busy with a million things and your husband comes home, what do you typically do?
Do you give him a quick hello and get back to what you were doing? Or, worse, completely ignore him. That’s fair right? After all, you’re right in the middle of something.
When you were dating, how did you greet your man when he picked you up for a date? I was like a school girl, excited I got the opportunity to see him again! I would run and practically jump into his arms to give him a hug!
Might I suggest try doing that again? Don’t feel like it? Try it anyway. You just might start to feel like it again. 😁
Feelings will eventually follow your thoughts and your actions.
Start anticipating your husband arrival, look forward to it. Then when he comes through the door, go and greet him with a hug and kiss and “how was your day?” Then stop what you’re doing and listen. After all, we can always turn off that stove for just a minute so dinner doesn’t get ruined. 😉
3. Talk to your husband like you value him
How do you talk to your husband? Do your conversations sound more like a business transaction? Or, worse, do they usually end in a shouting match? Or, the cold shoulder?
Proverbs 15:1 NKJV
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
When we speak kindly to our husbands, they will respond in kind.
Now if we’ve been in the habit of speaking harshly to each other for a while, it will take a bit to turn the ship around, but they will eventually reciprocate and talk to us back like they value us.
People rise and fall to meet your level of expectations for them. If you express skepticism and doubt in others, they will return your lack of confidence with mediocrity. But if you believe in them and expect them to do well, they will go the extra mile trying to do their best. - John Maxwell
As you adopt these habits, (and, they are habits) you will see a change in your marriage. You’ll begin to see an excitement again. Why, because you’re actually changing you!
When you are thankful for and treat your husband like the special man that you married, you will begin to feel excited about your marriage again. Remember, feelings will eventually follow your thoughts and your actions.
FYI - these principles work whether you’re married to a believer or not. Because people rise and fall to meet your level of expectations for them and you can always change you.
Even if you’re the only one to change, you will make a difference in your marriage. Remember, we can’t change anyone else, but we can change ourselves. And, that can make all the difference.
Discussion
What’s one way you can treat your husband like he’s special that you may not have done in a while?
Resources
The Noticer: Sometimes, all a person needs is a little perspective by Andy Andrews
The Noticer Returns: Sometimes You Find Perspective, and Sometimes Perspective Finds You by Andy Andrews
I went through Love & Respect and the workbook by myself years ago. I started implementing the things in here without my husband even knowing. Years later, we went through this study together. He said, “you’ve been practicing these principles on me for years haven’t you?” Even if you go it alone, you can make a difference. You can’t change him, but you can change you.