Podcast Episode 211 - Revolutionize Your Life With These 4 Tendencies - Part 1 Overview
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How are you at meeting expectations?
Do you find it easy to meet that deadline for that proposal at work or create ten different kinds of cookies for your kid wanted for their 10th birthday party but can’t manage to exercise consistently? Or, how about you can’t ever seem to get the house clean until you’ve got dinner guests coming?
Maybe you get annoyed by arbitrary expectations like New Year’s Resolutions. Why January 1st? Why not start August 1st, or better yet, why make them at all?
Or, what about that crazy new office policy–who decided that was a good idea? That makes no sense, so I’m not doing it?
On the other hand, are you the one we all envy because you always get it done? That new client proposal–done! Exercise consistently every day while tracking all your food–check!
Or are you thinking, “I don’t care what they need me to do, I’m doing my own thing!”
Expectations; we all have them. Day in and day out, we’re fulfilling whether we created them ourselves or others are counting on us to do something.
Today is for you if…
If you struggle to fulfill your God-given purpose but manage to do everything for everyone else.
If you desire to understand others better so you can communicate more effectively.
If you’re ready to find solutions to what’s holding you back, I’m talking to you today.
For decades I called myself lazy and envied everyone who set and achieved goals. What was wrong with me?
I want to introduce you to something that revolutionized Bob and my marriage and parenting. It’s called the Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin.
Gretchen discovers these while chatting with a friend over coffee. Her friend was lamenting how she hadn’t been able to get herself to run consistently when she had no trouble showing up to high school track practice every day. Why the struggle now?
What happened? Was she somehow lazier now? Or, just too busy?
As Gretchen studied this, she began to see four patterns of people’s tendencies. She researched, quizzed people, and checked whether these four patterns always held true. What she created was the Four Tendencies.
The Four Tendencies are:
Obliger
Upholder
Questioner
Rebel
Each tendency has different ways of meeting expectations. Some of our expectations are external, such as your boss needing that report by Friday, your kid’s class requiring twenty-five craft kits for their Valentine’s party, or your sweetheart asking you to do their laundry for tomorrow’s big meeting. Other exceptions are internal such as that new resolution you made in January to finally lose those last 10 pounds or writing that book you’ve talked about for decades.
How we handle expectations is vital for communication and fulfilling our God-given purpose.
Let me give you an overview of each tendency, and then over the next four episodes, we’ll delve into each one deeper.
1. Obliger
Gretchen’s friend is what’s called an Obliger. I’m also an Obliger.
Obligers place a high value on meeting other’s people expectations. So we keep our commitments. Because of this, we excel at meeting outer expectations.
When someone counts on an Obliger (i.e., The track coach and her teammates or me getting this podcast out every weekday), we’ll get it done.
But we’re naturally lousy at meeting personal or internal expectations, like with Gretchen’s friend who couldn’t bring herself to run anymore.
If you’re an Obliger, never fear; I’ve got a trick up my sleeve that’ll help you get those internal expectations done so you can do what God put in your heart to do.
2. Upholder
Gretchen is an Upholder.
Upholders meet both inner and outer expectations. They’re self-direct.
These kids wake up, make their bed, get ready for school and do their homework independently and without continual reminders.
Upholders embrace routine.
But they can struggle if they have to adjust their schedule suddenly.
They can appear ridge because they don’t adjust quickly.
If they’re not self-aware, Upholders can be judgemental because they don’t get it when others can’t just “get it done” as they do.
Upholding is incredible; however, it can cause you to miss out on the beauty in spontaneity and the joy available in the moment.
3. Questioner
Questioners need more information before deciding whether to meet an expectation.
They place a high value on research, reason, and efficiency.
They love asking questions but may not like others asking them questions.
They resist anything irrational, like dumb office policies.
They can suffer from “analysis of paralysis” because they need more information to decide.
Questioning is excellent, but there are many times you can miss out on what God has for you because you have waited too long with all your questioning.
4. Rebel
Then we have the Rebel.
Rebels place a high value on freedom, choice, and self-expression.
These are the people who resist being told what to do.
Have you ever seen someone given only months to live if they don’t stop their poor eating or smoking habits, and yet they keep on as if nothing’s wrong? They just might be a rebel.
Don’t back a Rebel into a corner because they’ll “show you.”
And nagging will have the opposite effect that you’re pushing for.
Rebels fight back with repetitive tasks, schedules, and routines.
They desire the freedom to be spontaneous.
Life has to be on the Rebel’s terms in their timing.
But if you’re a rebel, it can stop you from fully stepping into Father’s call on your life and cause severe rifts between those you love. If you’re willing to grow through your rebellious tendency, you can get what you want in life.
As with any personality test or other framework types, these tendencies aren’t designed to put you in a box. Frameworks, the DISC, Enneagram and 4 Tendencies are designed to show you the box you put yourself in and help you better understand yourself and your needs. And help you communicate more effectively with different tendencies. It’s kind of like learning to speak another person’s language.
Are you curious now about which tendency you might be? Click here to take the quiz.
Some of you can figure out what you are by your response to my request – Click here to take the Four Tendencies Quiz.
Rebel: I’m not taking this dumb quiz because you just told me to. You’re not putting me into a box. 😉
Questioner: Why are you asking me to take this quiz? What’s the point? 🤔
Upholder: I’ll take the quiz, but I’ll get it done after my self-care. 👍
Obliger: Of course, I’ll drop everything right now and take this quiz if it’s that important to you. 😊
Over the next four episodes, we’ll dig into each tendency and how you can use your tendency to your advantage and how to use the tendencies to communicate more effectively with others.