Podcast Episode 230 - 5 Questions to Take You From Fear to Freedom - Question 4 - What’s your fear costing you?
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Are you living out your dreams?
Are you living life as your best self?
Where do you fall short? Where do you need to grow?
We all have a fear that hits us. In the last episode, you learned your core fear that started in childhood but kept tagging along, thinking it was keeping you safe. Our choices always cost something–so does our fear.
Today is for you if…
If you’re sick and tired of missing out on your best life.
If you desire to push yourself out of your comfort zone but struggle to make it happen regularly.
If you’re ready to own what your fear is costing you and are willing to make the necessary changes to become your best self.
In the last episode, we learn we all have a core fear. Depending on how self-aware we are, that will determine if we see our core fear or not. That core fear kept us safe as little kids but has now stopped serving us and our dreams.
The next question you must ask yourself to go from fear to freedom is: What is your fear costing you?
Question 4 – What’s your fear costing you?
Have you ever bought anything and were prepped for one price but were shocked by the final price? There were fees, taxes, hidden commissions, etc.
That happened when I bought my VW Jetta. I agreed to a price, but when I was ready to sign the paperwork, the price was different than what they told me. I was willing to walk away unless they changed it…they changed it.
How about a vacation? You think it’s one price, but it always costs more than you thought with all the little sundries you need to get ahead of time and don’t forget the souvenirs.
Fear works the same way.
Fear has a hidden price tag. It’s costing you more than you realize.
What does it cost your relationships?
How about your finances? Debt? Missed fun or opportunities?
What does it cost your body? Stress? Aches, pains, diseases?
What does it cost your dreams? Is it keeping you stuck?
Did you give up on your dreams? Are you settling for less than God’s best?
How does your core fear stop you from fulfilling your God-given purpose?
Let’s look at the nine core fears we discussed in episode 229 and see each of those fears’ price tags.
Fear #1 Fear of Making Mistakes
If you fear making mistakes and being criticized, it will stop you from trying.
It’ll keep you fixing your goals and projects to make them perfect and never put them out into the world where they can do some good.
Also, your compulsive need to perfect yourself, others and the world around you will keep you from having the great relationships you desire because people will never feel like they measure up to your standard…including yourself.
Fear #2 Fear Can’t Be Loved For Yourself
If you fear you can’t be loved for who you are and try to meet the needs of others as their strategy to be loved and appreciated, it stops you from believing anyone loves you for you.
You’ll question if they only love you when you’re helping.
It also stops you from doing what God put in your heart to do because you’ll always be busy doing something for someone else, including dropping everything to help when it’s not yours to help.
Fear #3 Fear of Failure
If you fear failure and have to avoid it at all costs, it can stop you from taking risks or at least hesitate, preventing you from achieving your goals and reaching your full potential.
It will stop you from celebrating the wins.
You’ll brush off being satisfied with where you’re at on the way to where you’re going and keep pushing yourself past exhaustion.
It can stop you from appreciating someone else’s brilliance because it could outshine yours.
It makes you feel unworthy when you’re not succeeding…as much as you thought.
And you question if you’re loved for what you do or if you’re loved for who you are.
Fear #4 Fear Something’s Missing in You
If you fear something is missing in you that everyone else has, you’ll never enjoy life for what it is. You’ll obsess over every conversation and read into more than is really there.
You’ll live on a rollercoaster of feelings with extreme high highs and super low lows. People may avoid you because it’s too much drama.
It will also stop you from believing you’re enough, that Father’s created you as enough.
You’ll push to stand out just to stand out–rebel without a cause.
Fear #5 Fear Looking Incompetent
If you fear looking incompetent and are afraid you don’t have enough inner resources to meet the demands of people and projects, you’ll isolate yourself. Your family and friends will miss a deeper relationship with you because you’re stuck in your head.
It will also stop you from starting a project or goal before you get started because you feel like you don’t have enough information or data.
Or take you forever to decide because of all the research you still need to do before making an “informed” decision. And if you can’t be considered an expert, you fear you might be exposed as incompetent.
Fear #6 Fear the World Isn’t a Safe Place
If you fear the world isn’t a safe place, you’ll be too afraid to move forward into your dreams because the unknown may not feel worth the risk.
You’ll doubt yourself and not step into your power.
You may also get stuck in conspiracy theories keeping you from doing that thing in your heart because, again...it doesn’t look like the world’s a safe place.
Your anxiety will get the best of you, and you’ll miss out on trusting God for more.
Fear #7 Fear Pain and Unpleasant Feelings
If you fear pain and unpleasant feelings, you’ll never deal with the pain; you’ll stuff it, and then it’ll come back to bite you later.
It’ll also create shiny object syndrome because you’ve got fantastic ideas up the wazzu, but it’ll stop you from finishing what God’s called you to do because you got bored or distracted or it became too hard, and you moved on to something more fun.
It’ll stop you from experiencing the moment and who you’re with because you always look ahead to what’s coming.
Fear #8 Fear Looking Weak or Vulnerable
If you fear looking weak and vulnerable, it’ll stop you from letting people in. You may be a marshmallow on the inside, but you’ll show up like you’re wrapped in barbed wire, hurting everyone in your path.
You’re hoping to be valued for your strength, but it will end up causing people to be scared of you. No one wants to be called a bulldozer.
Fear of vulnerability can prevent you from being open and authentic with others, leading to relationship problems and missed opportunities for connection.
Fear #9 – Fear of Losing Connection
If you fear losing connection, it’ll stop you from owning your own life. It’ll stop you from owning your voice, and you won’t express your own opinion or show up with your own brilliance.
You’ll get comfortable being comfortable, and it’ll stop you from venturing outside your comfort zone. You’ll limit your growth and won’t pursue your dreams. Good enough will become good enough.
It will also cost you from creating the deep connections you so desperately desire because no one knows the real you.
So, what is your core fear costing you? Is that the price tag you want to pay for keeping your fear?
You can decide not to buy into the fear. You can choose to walk away.
Homework:
Think through your fear and list five things your fear is costing you.
Relationships
Finances
Body/Physically
Spirit
Dreams
Are you willing to pay that price tag?
The next episode, it’s Freedom Time! I’ll show you How to Live Fearlessly Free.
If you’re looking for something that can shortcut your growth process, the IEQ9 Enneagram assessment is a powerful tool. You can go to https://heatherbunch.com/enneagram to see your options. I also offer a 90-minute debrief on your assessment to help you go deeper and create a path to transformation.