Podcast Episode 263 - Decoding the Puzzle of Human Motivation Part 4 – Does Need for Significance Drive You?
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Do you or others struggle to live up to your standards?
Do you feel happy when you’re respected, seen or heard and unworthy and unloved if you’re not?
Has anyone ever thought you’re arrogant or full of yourself?
We’re continuing our series on decoding the puzzle of Human motivation. Every human on this planet has six basic needs. I’m not talking about food, shelter and water. I’m talking about the needs that motivate what we do.
Today is for you if…
If you’re tired of feeling looked over and left out.
If you desire to be respected, whether you are or not, you’re worthy.
If you’re ready to feel unique and special regardless of what others think.
So far, we’ve learned about the need for certainty; we all need a level of knowing what’s coming or stability, but we also need some uncertainty or variety, or things will get too stale.
The problem with our needs is if we try to meet them in unhealthy ways.
Let’s talk about human need #3
Does this sound like you?
I believe that happiness comes from feeling respected and important.
I need to be considered unique and special.
I need people to look up to me or maybe even fear me to a certain extent.
Then, the need for significance might be at the top of your list.
What the Need for Significance Looks Like:
Focus on what you must do to appear unique, different or essential.
You’ll do almost anything to preserve your uniqueness.
Focus on playing the part of someone extraordinary.
You need to feel proud of yourself.
Live by high standards.
Compare self to others regularly.
Need to be heard.
Constantly ask whether people respect or admire you.
You need to feel that you make a difference in any situation.
Disciplined, competitive, and can be a perfectionist.
If a sense of significance is tied to your appearance, endurance and strength, you will do whatever it takes to stay fit and healthy.
Avoid people who don’t admire me or treat me with respect.
Avoid situations where you can’t feel that you’re very important.
Don’t tolerate rejection.
Do anything to avoid being overshadowed by others.
You hate losing face.
Strengths
Work hard and strive to deserve the respect and admiration you crave.
Willing to take responsibility to the point of self-sacrifice.
Relentless in accomplishing my goals.
Leader.
Stand up for what you believe in.
Not afraid of risk or confrontation.
Communication Style
You often talk about your accomplishments, sacrifices, intelligence, strengths and attractiveness.
Override others’ views.
Some words you might frequently use are pride, importance, standards, achievement, performance, perfection, evaluation, discipline, competition and rejection.
How Handle Stress
Stressed when you feel that you’re not living up to your standards.
Not being respected and heard stresses you out and feeling that you’re not a leader.
Feel pressure to achieve prestige, power and status.
Stressed from doing too much and not being in touch with your values.
Get Defensive When
Slightest criticism.
When people tell me what to do.
Imply that you’re a follower, not a leader.
How Emotions Show Up
Despair, anger and rage when not living up to your standards and not accomplishing goals.
Angry when people disagree with your values, beliefs and leadership.
Can be impatient and irritable.
How This Belief Serves You
Work hard at being different, special, and unique.
Strive to be a leader.
Do whatever is necessary for people to look up to you, respect, and admire you.
I never want to be a follower.
The Principles You Lost Sight Of
Sometimes, love is more important than respect.
It isn’t easy to love someone who has to feel important all the time.
Humility is an important virtue.
Being admired by many but loved by a few may not be conducive to happiness.
“Heavy lies the head that bears the crown.” – Shakespeare
The Consequences of Losing Sight of These Principles
People sometimes dislike me because they see me as arrogant and full of myself.
Have to constantly work at being respected and admired.
Trouble letting love flow when you don’t feel important.
People sometimes think that you consider yourself superior to others.
Can come across as cold and uncaring.
Often, I find it challenging to have fun.
Can be seen as close-minded.
Trouble relating to others because I focus on differences rather than commonalities.
Overly concerned with hierarchical pecking orders.
Growth Tactics If the Need for Significance is Holding You Back:
Goals for Growth:
Be loved for who you are, not because of your accomplishments or the respect and admiration of others.
Value love and connection more than respect and admiration.
Be humble and practice patience.
Notice when your standards are too high.
Self-sacrifice less and love yourself more.
What Can You Do to Achieve Your Goal?
Get involved in experiences where you won’t get any admiration or special respect.
I work less and love myself more.
Indulge in pleasurable experiences just for the sake of pleasure.
Relax.
Pay attention to feelings and relationships.
What Could Interfere with Your Goal?
Constant need to feel special, important and a leader.
High standards and willingness to sacrifice.
How Others Can Support You in Your Goal
Introduce you to interesting, challenging or fun experiences where you’re not an expert.
Reassure you that they love you for who you are and not for your accomplishments.
Remind you to slow down and encourage you to work less and play more.
Homework:
Pick a goal to focus on that’s relational or fun and isn’t work-related or achievement-oriented.
Enlist others to support and encourage you in this goal.
Find ways to gamify your goal - create a sense of challenge while still having fun.
We all need a level of significance and feel valuable. What matters is how we try to get this significance met. If you only think you’re valuable while you’re achieving or are essential, when you’re not, you’ll feel worthless.
Remember, you are worthy because Jesus made you worthy.
Your Heavenly Father always loves you.
You are the apple of His eye.
Fearfully and wonderfully made.
Rest in that, knowing you’re significant.
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