Podcast Episode 264 - Decoding the Puzzle of Human Motivation Part 5 – Does Need for Connection Drive You?
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Do you feel most worthy when you’re loved and can love others?
Have you ever struggled to receive a gift but are continually giving gifts?
Do you need meaningful connections with others regularly, or are you unsatisfied?
It’s part 5 of decoding the puzzle of human emotions. We’ve unpacked three out of the six human needs so far. It’s time for the need that can make or break you.
Today is for you if…
If you’re tired of being disappointed when others don’t return love to the level you do.
If you desire to finally share your needs instead of only fulfilling everyone else’s.
If you’re ready to shed the guilt that keeps you giving, giving and never resting and receiving.
In this series, we’re talking about our top needs as humans. We all have these six needs, but each person’s top needs are different. We also can get our needs met in healthy and unhealthy ways.
The goal is to grow ourselves so we can get our needs met in healthy ways that help instead of hurt us and others.
Let’s talk about Need #4…
Do you Believe any of these statements?
To feel worthy, you need to love and be loved.
You need to have meaningful connections with people.
If you’re not loved, and you can’t give love, you’re worthless.
You might have love and connection as a top need.
What the Need for Love and Connection Looks Like:
Focus is on the relationships with those you love and how to satisfy their needs.
Great empathy for the feelings and emotions of others.
Expect to be loved in return.
Focus is on understanding others and meeting their needs.
You think you can help and are proud of being able to do so.
Need people’s approval and acceptance.
High energy when it comes to giving.
Crave romantic love.
You may be so focused on caring for others that you neglect your health.
Will do almost anything to avoid feeling dispensable.
Avoid disappointing others and feeling unappreciated. It’s hard for you to tolerate rejection.
Strengths
Generous, sensitive, supportive and helpful.
Relate well to people of all ages and all walks of life.
You’re a good companion and listener.
Give good advice.
Freely give your time, energy and material possessions.
Empathize with suffering.
Have emotional depth.
Communication Style
Focused on others.
Friendly and open.
Express yourself well and be quick to give advice.
Supportive.
Words that you frequently use are: togetherness, passion, unity, warmth, tenderness, and desire.
Sometimes, people experience you as emotionally intense; wear emotions on your sleeve.
How Handle Stress
Stressed when not appreciated for all you give.
Stressed when others don’t love in return.
Stressed when sometimes people perceive you as intrusive or controlling.
Feeling needed by so many people is stressful, and your confusion about your own needs doesn’t help.
Invest too much in challenging relationships.
Sometimes, you envy what others have and what’s not emotionally available to you.
Get Defensive When
When people tell you how to live, especially when they insist you should give less to others.
Angry if you feel controlled and if people attribute bad intentions to you.
Enraged when people are cruel.
Defensive when you feel misunderstood.
How Emotions Show Up
Worry a great deal about others.
Readily attribute blame to yourself or others.
Sometimes, you experience resentment.
Angry outbursts when you don’t feel appreciated or people are inconsiderate.
When you’re away from those you love, you feel significant pain.
Possessive about those you love.
Feel deeply and can be idealistic.
Long for what’s missing in my life.
It can be very emotional and sink into depression.
How This Belief Serves You
Kind and generous to those you love.
Fiercely protective of those you love.
Nurturing and responsible.
The Principles You Lost Sight Of
You must love yourself first.
You’re not indispensable to others.
To be loved is not equal to being needed.
The Consequences of Losing Sight of These Principles
Thinking of others first, you repress your own needs.
It can become intrusive trying to meet everyone else’s needs.
Often unable to say “no.”
Often disappointed when giving love to others, and they don’t reciprocate to the level you do.
Often not aware of my own needs.
It can be intrusive without realizing it.
Growth Tactics If You Need for Love/Connection is Holding You Back:
Goals for Growth:
Take care of yourself better.
Be more aware of your own needs.
Know you are loved for who you are, not for what you give.
What Can You Do to Achieve Your Goal?
Practice setting limits on what you give.
Develop clarity about your own needs and how to satisfy them.
Be sensitive to when you can be seen as intrusive or controlling.
Know when something is yours to do or give and when it’s not.
Honor your feelings and needs.
What Interferes With Your Goal?
If the need to help and give to those you love interferes with your goal.
I feel guilty when you pay attention to my own needs.
If you feel like it’s pride to pay attention to your needs.
If fear of being selfish or being seen as selfish.
If asking for what you want or need is uncomfortable.
If receiving from others is hard for you.
If you believe that you’re loved based on what you give.
How Others Can Support You In Your Goal?
Others can model independence instead of becoming dependent on what you give.
Others could ask you about your needs and pay attention to them.
Others appreciate what you give and respect whenever you say “no.”
People could focus on understanding you instead of trying to change you.
Homework:
Pick a goal to focus on: taking care of yourself, buying something for yourself or asking someone for something you want or need–start small if you need to.
Enlist others to support and encourage you in this goal that are safe people.
Get comfortable asking for what you want by starting small and working up to more significant asks.
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