Podcast Episode 178 - To Communicate or Not to Communicate pt 1 – Know Yourself
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Are your closest relationships thriving, surveying or dying?
Have you had a seemingly simple conversation go south and turn into world war 3?
Do you wish your spouse or best friends knew what you needed and communicated that to you?
We're beginning a new series on communication. Communication affects every relationship and determines whether it thrives, survives or dies.
Today is for you if…
If you struggle communicating what you really want, need or feel.
If you're tired of your close relationships ending in a fight or silence.
If you're ready to enjoy, a relationship like God intended you to.
Stats say most divorce is over Sex and Money. I believe that communication or lack of communication around sex and money is really at the root.
Think about any disagreement you've had.
Think about the most beautiful moments with others you've had.
What is the common denominator? Communication or lack of it.
Communication is the lifeblood of every relationship you'll experience.
To communicate with others in a healthy way, we need first to know ourselves.
A couple of weeks ago, my husband, Bob, asked if I was ok. Was anything bothering me?
I was quieter, and he knew I was contemplating.
I sat for a moment and thought about what I was experiencing.
I'd been watching a Tony Robbins event for the last two days. Over three hours of content each day.
Amazing content, but I realized a pattern. When I am in learning mode and trying to absorb a lot of content, I need extra energy to process it all. When that happens, it sucks the energy from me, so I look like I'm down or sad.
I shared this pattern with Bob, and he completely understood.
Knowing myself and communicating that with my husband saved us from some crazy cycle of Bob thinking I was mad at him and me trying to convince him otherwise.
What do you need to flourish?
When you're stressed, how can your spouse or friend help?
What's really bothering you?
I want to use the Enneagram to help you uncover what you may need to communicate so your relationships can go from surviving or dying to thriving:
Type One: Strict Perfectionist or Improver
Say what you mean respectfully. And then do it. Remind me it's ok to tell my inner critic to sit and zip it.
Type Two: Considerate Helper
Say thank you for the big and little things. Show appreciation. Remind me that it's ok to take time for myself and help me do it.
Type Three: Competitive Achiever
Cheer on my dreams and help me celebrate my wins. Appreciate my efficiency and help me get things done faster. Remind me that my belonging is not at stake if I fail. Show me I am still loved not for what I do but for who I am.
Type Four: Intense Creative
Listen to my feelings and affirm that my feelings are real and intense. Appreciate my intuition, uniqueness and creativity. Remind me that I'm not missing something that I think others have.
Type Five: Quiet Specialist
Be supportive of my need to recharge alone. Let me figure things out on my own. Respect the information I bring to you, knowing I thought it out thoroughly. Remind me that it's ok to have physical and emotional needs.
Type Six: Loyal Sceptic
Appreciate that my preparation for everything is my way of caring for you. Please don't dismiss my concerns. Show me that our relationship is important to you by keeping your commitments. Remind me I can trust myself and make good decisions.
Type Seven: Enthusiastic Visionary
Join in my brainstorming and dreaming without editing. Encourage my healthy spontaneity. Appreciate that fun and joy are essential to me. Ask me how I'm really doing, and don't force me always to be positive. Remind me that it's ok and healthy to sit in pain. Also, remind me that I'll be taken care of.
Type Eight: Active Controller
Appreciate and even match my intensity with your whole self. Don't sugar coat. Be loyal and protect me. Prove to me that it's safe to be vulnerable with you.
Type Nine: Adaptive Peacemaker
Give me space to think and then wait for my answers patiently. Appreciate that if I engage in anything that could cost harmony, it takes a lot of effort on my part. Remind me that my presence and voice matter, and then give me a safe space to share my opinions, needs or concerns.
Homework:
Look through the nine types and see if they align with who you are and what you need.
Write down what you need communication to look like to thrive in a relationship.
It may be what I've said here, something you figure out yourself, or a combination of both.
There's no right or wrong answer here. You just need to be honest with yourself.
Now, next episode, we'll talk about how to communicate your needs to others.
Fear is one of the biggest blocks when it comes to knowing ourselves and communicating that with others.
If you struggle with overcoming fear in any area of your life, My friends Becky Michel and Kat Schudel and I created a workshop just for you.
The Your Fearless Journey workshop is Saturday, March 11, 2023, from 9 am - 12 pm CT.
You'll walk away with real-world tools that will get you unstuck and overcome the fear holding you back so you can live your life courageously and wildly inspired!