Podcast Episode 214 - Revolutionize Your Life With These 4 Tendencies - Part 4 Upholder
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Do you accomplish those monthly reports with no problem while keeping up with your daily exercise routine and even tracking it?
Are you that person that determines to write a book or accomplish a new goal, and you make it happen?
Do people secretly envy your ability to keep a routine?
We’ve been talking about the Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin. So far, we’ve learned about the Obliger and the Rebel. Today, in part 4, it’s time to talk–Upholder—those people who get all the expectations.
Today is for you if…
If you find yourself making your rules tighter and tighter.
If you’re close to an Upholder and get your feelings hurt when they choose themselves over you…like all the time.
If you’re an Upholder ready to let loose and enjoy life a little.
Oh, Upholder, how we envy you…That new client proposal–done! Exercise consistently every day while tracking all your food–check!
How do Upholders meet inner and outer expectations?
The Upholder meets both inner and outer expectations with little fuss. They’re self-direct, and they keep their promises. These kids wake up on their own, make their bed, get ready for school on their own, and do their homework without continual reminders.
1. Upholders Embrace Routine
Upholders may struggle to adjust their schedule suddenly and can sometimes appear ridge or judgmental.
It may be hard for them to understand why everyone can’t “get it done” like they can without drama or struggle.
Understand everyone is not an Upholder, and that’s okay. Allow for differences in people, situations and opinions.
Also, surprises in life are inevitable, if you prep for them, you won’t be taken by storm.
2. Upholders Are Prone To Tightening
Most tendencies will start an expectation strong and then weaken over time.
Upholders, on the other hand, can experience “tightening.”
Once you start an expectation, you can’t let it go. You might even continue making your “rules” more stringent. “It’s on my to-do list and now it’s never coming off.”
Here’s an example of “tightening:”
Gretchen Rubin, the author of The Four Tendencies, is an Upholder. She’s chosen a low-carb lifestyle. She said when she started this routine, she was not very strict. But, over time, she has “tightened” her regimen and is now very strict with it.
Allow yourself some wiggle room. Not all of life is lived in Black & White, all or nothing. And that’s okay.
Ask yourself questions to be sure this tightening is necessary for your goals, dreams or health. Then make a conscious choice if you will tighten or loosen your “rule.”
Feel free to let loose and have a little fun. It really won’t kill you.
3. Upholders Tend to Commit to Inner Expectations Over External Expectations
Upholders can be very committed to meeting inner expectations, even when inconvenient for someone else.
“I know it’s your birthday darling, but we can’t go out until I go for my 12 mile run for that half marathon I’m running in two weeks.” This makes you seem cold no matter how you intend it to sound.
Again, question yourself. Consciously decide whether the external expectation is better than your inner expectation.
If you still choose your inner expectation and it’s someone close to you, like a spouse, child or best friend, be sure to give your WHY. It helps people accept your decision.
Knowing your loved one is an Upholder can help you navigate situations that might otherwise bother you. Awareness is half the battle.
Knowing you’re an Upholder can help you keep from unconsciously tightening up on yourself too much. It can also help you navigate relationships so you don’t alienate your loved ones.
Homework:
If you’re an Upholder, how can you keep yourself from “tightening” up on your expectations too much?
For the rest of us, knowing a loved one is an Upholder; how can this knowledge help you navigate your relationship better?
Last but not least, we’ll be talking about the Questioner in the next episode.