Podcast Episode 215 - Revolutionize Your Life With These 4 Tendencies - Part 5 Questioner
/Listen
Read
When you were a kid, did you hate when your mom said, “Because I said so”? Or were you the kid that everyone was tired of you overloading them with questions?
Now that you’re an adult, do you find that new office policy ludicrous, so you’re not doing it?
Do you get bogged down in the details because you just need a bit more information to make a decision?
If you answer yes to most of these questions, you might be a Questioner! We’ve been talking about the 4 Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin. It’s how we meet internal and external expectations. We’ve discussed the Obliger, the Rebel and the Upholder. If you missed them, I’d recommend starting with episode 211.
Today is for you if…
If you’re tired of people getting frustrated with your questioning.
If you desire to communicate more efficiently to get the info you need.
If you’re ready to stop getting hung up, needing more information and start making decisions faster.
#4 is the Questioner.
Here are five things to help you understand yourself better and communicate like a champ if you’re a Questioner.
1. Questioners Need More Information
A Questioner is a tendency that might appear to be a Rebel at first blush because they don’t always go with everyone’s expectations.
However, in reality, they just need more information.
2. If An Expectation Makes Sense, Questions Will Go With It
And, if that expectation doesn’t make sense to them, they won’t do it. So, that ridiculous new policy at work, yea, there’s no way a questioner will go along willingly with that one.
It’s okay to ask why, but be sure to ask without sarcasm or contempt.
3. Questioners Meet External Expectations After Turning Them Into Internal Expectations
Questioners question ALL expectations. The ones they make for themselves make sense, so they do it. So really, they only meet internal expectations and only meet external expectations after they’ve turned them into internal expectations.
Gretchen Rubin says, “a Questioner has a drive for efficiency and justification. A love of research and information. A resistance to anything arbitrary.”
A Questioner will disqualify statements like, “We’ve always done it this way,” or, “The experts say we have to….” They don’t do random choices or rules on a whim but prefer a good reason or system.
Questioners will stand for their beliefs rather than give in because everyone thinks the same thing. They’ll stick to their convictions even if it conflicts with external expectations.
Be sure when you’re sticking it to the man; it’s worth it or for the right reason. Sometimes you may need to choose to do something even if it doesn’t make sense because you trust the person asking you to do it.
4. Get Past Analysis-Paralysis With Deadlines
They always want more information. But, sometimes, we must make decisions when we don’t have all the information. At a certain point, it’s no longer efficient to keep gathering information.
You could try using deadlines or accountability to give yourself a push past analysis paralysis to make that decision.
5. Explain Why You’re Questioning
You can pre-empt the resistance to your questions by explaining why you need that information.
People will appreciate knowing that you’re not just trying to get under their skin and are more likely to give you what you need with minimal fuss.
Communicating With a Questioner:
1. Give Them More Information
Suppose you have a child that is a Questioner. You might get tired of all the questions. Questioner children, like their adult counter-part, need more information to make an informed decision. They, too, want to be efficient and don’t do it just because.
“Because I said so,” should not be a tool in your parenting toolbox for this kiddo. They may look like they’re rebelling, but they need more information to meet your expectations.
My son is the one that came to me one day and said, “Mom, you fight with Grace more than me and Aubrey.” It hit me that my youngest is a Questioner. Until I realized this, we butted heads at every turn, and I don’t butt heads with many people. Something had to change. I’m doing much better at giving the why and more information. Life is way more peaceful.
2. Give the WHY
When making a request of a Questioner, be sure to include lots of explanations such as, “We have to get the car inspected or risk a big fine.”
“Because I said so,” or “because that’s what the they told me we had to do,” will never cut it with a Questioner. They need the “why.”
As you learn these 4 Tendencies, you’ll begin to understand yourself better and can give yourself more grace knowing why you think and react the way you do to expectations. You’ll also grow into your best self, whatever tendency you are.
Not only will you better your life through studying these 4 Tendencies, but you’ll also be able to learn to “speak another tendency’s language.” This enhanced communication also helps your relationships flourish because you don’t expect them to think or respond like you.
Homework
If you’re a Questioner, what is one way you’ll implement to stop the analysis of paralysis and make a decision faster?
For us non-Questioners, what’s one thing you can change in how you approach a Questioner in your life now?