Podcast Episode 261 - Decoding the Puzzle of Human Motivation Part 2 – Does Certainty Drive You?
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How do you react when you can’t control your circumstances? Do you overreact, act like it’s no big deal or scrabble for control?
Do you have a burning need for life to be certain?
How do you seek certainty? Faith? Positive outlook?
It’s part two of decoding the puzzle of human motivation. In each episode, we’ll break down one of the six human needs and how to ensure we’re using them to help and not hurt us. It’s time to unpack the first human need.
Today is for you if…
If you’re tired of being stuck in your comfort zone.
If you desire to live a life, let go and let God.
If you’re ready to reap the rewards that come with risk, spontaneity and variety.
There are six human needs. We need them all, but a couple of them drive us and shape the quality of our lives. This can be positive or negative depending on how we’re trying to meet our needs.
We’re starting with our first human need, and that’s the need for certainty.
What the Need for Certainty Looks Like:
Prefer work that is stable and easy instead of work that challenges and stretches your abilities.
Focused on evaluating levels of your comfort-discomfort.
Take care of yourself, but the need for comfort may lead to overeating or drinking.
Tend to avoid new people and new experiences.
Avoid relationships missing full commitment.
Avoid threats and hazards.
Fear not being in control.
Strength
Strengths can be organized, reliable and dependable.
Focus on stability, habitual routines, and preparing and saving for the future.
Create environments that are pleasing and where people feel comfortable.
Communication Style
Words that I frequently use are: comfort, security, stability, and predictability.
How Stress Shows Up
When something new is required of you.
When you don’t know what’s going to happen next.
Changes in plans, even if there are new opportunities.
May put pressure on yourself to make sure you don’t feel insecure.
When Get Defensive
When you must change your habits or deal with new people and situations.
Could get angry when people challenge your need to feel comfortable and to have predictability in your life.
How Emotions Show Up
Worry a great deal about the future.
Very sensitive to danger and experience fear easily.
Might envy people who have more money or a larger income than you do.
Why Might You Crave Certainty:
What Certainty Believes:
Need to feel secure, safe and comfortable now and in the future.
Avoiding pain or uncomfortable feelings.
Can’t be happy when life or situations are uncertain.
How This Belief Serves You:
Avoid risks and be careful to plan for the future.
Take care of yourself.
People know you’re predictable.
Usually can be organized.
The Principles You Lost Sight Of
The future is unpredictable; all we have is the present moment.
No risk, no gain.
It is possible to be uncertain about the future yet happy in the present.
The Cost of Losing Sight of This Principle
Limit new experiences.
Trouble letting love flow when I don’t feel secure and comfortable.
Others think you’re controlling.
Seem unenthusiastic or boring.
Predictable
Miss out on spontaneous adventures.
Growth Tactics if the Need for Certainty is Holding You Back:
Goals for Growth:
Live in the present. This allows you to experience the moment without focusing on what’ll happen next and what the future might hold.
Take some risks and reap the benefits, like starting a new business, making a new friend, reaching out to an old friend, or taking a chance at doing something you’ve always wanted to do.
Accept that uncertainty and insecurity are a part of life.
What Can You Do to Achieve Your Goal?
1. Stretch Yourself
Learn new things and have new experiences.
2. Experience More Positive Emotions On Purpose
Instead of continually freezing fear and anxiety, learn to experience excitement and joy.
3. Learn to Enjoy a Challenge
Develop courage and be able to act even when I feel insecure.
What Could Interfere with Your Goal?
Wishing to feel comfortable and plan for your future interferes with your growth goal.
Being overprotective and controlling.
Requiring too much certainty.
Being pessimistic about the future.
How Others Can Support You in Your Goal.
Others can support you by introducing you to new experiences and encouraging spontaneity and fun.
Give you a reality check about your fears and concerns and tell you if they think they’re warranted.
They can counter your doubts and fears in realistic ways.
Homework:
Pick a goal that requires you to get comfortable being uncertain.
You could try living in the present or taking a risk.
Next:
1. Find ways to stretch yourself.
2. Experience more of the positive emotions that come with growth.
3. Enjoy the challenge.
4. Get help or perspective from others if you need it.
If you feel you have a severe need for certainty, try reading this prayer when things feel out of control.
PRAYER FOR SERENITY by Reinhold Niebuhr
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
When you use the need for certainty in positive, healthy ways, it’s a beautiful thing that helps you be that reliable person people can count on. But when it’s out of control, it steers your life in unhealthy ways and can create what you’re trying to avoid…uncertainty.
In the next episode, we’ll tackle the need for uncertainty. We need some of that because God has a sense of humor.
If you need more help overcoming an excessive need for certainty, check out the Joy-Filled Life online course. It’s on special for only $7 until 9/15/23.
I also have the Mirror Moments devotional on sale for $5 plus shipping. So, if you need help shifting your focus from negative to seeing yourself in Christ, check it out. Heatherbunch.com/store