How to Feel Without Self-Sabotaging | Think Better. Live Braver. series part 5 | Ep 381

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How to Feel Without Self-Sabotaging | Think Better. Live Braver. series part 5 | Ep 381

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How to Feel Without Self-Sabotaging: The Courage to Pause Before You React

Ever have a moment where you hear yourself talking and think, Who is that?
Like… I don’t remember sounding like that five minutes ago.

Your tone’s sharper than you meant.
Your words are louder than the situation calls for.
Your reaction has turbo boosters, and you definitely don’t remember installing those.

Yep. Same.

Then the moment passes, and regret shows up like that uninvited guest who kicks off her shoes, puts her feet on the coffee table, and makes herself real comfortable.

Emotions can be beautiful. Father created them.
They’re part of how we experience life, love, connection, and compassion.

They can also be powerful.
Powerful enough to hijack your decisions, your relationships, and yes, your business momentum.

Here’s the truth I want you holding with open hands today:

💡 Your feelings are valid, but they’re not the final vote.

You can feel deeply and still choose wisely.
You can feel pressure and stay steady.
You can feel fear and still take the next brave step.

And here’s the good news.
You don’t get there by trying harder or telling yourself to “calm down” like that’s ever worked.

You get there by learning how to work with your emotions instead of letting them run the show.

That’s what we’re doing here.
This is how courageous women move from emotional sabotage to emotional strength, one choice at a time.

And it starts with the first courageous practice.

1) Pause and Name the Feeling

Most of us do one of two things when emotions rise.
We either stuff them… or we spill them.

Stuffing looks like, “I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.”
Spilling looks like words flying out of your mouth before wisdom has even put her shoes on.

There’s a third option.
Pause. And actually acknowledge what’s happening inside you.

📖 Psalm 139:23–24 (NASB)
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.”

Naming the feeling isn’t weakness. It’s awareness.
It’s you telling the truth about what’s really happening in your inner world.

🧬 When you name an emotion, something powerful happens. 

You start shifting out of survival mode and back into the part of your brain that can think clearly and choose wisely. Instead of being dragged around by the moment, you start leading yourself through it.

Peter loved Jesus fiercely. Like, all in.
And he often let emotion lead.

Fear made him sink when the wind and waves shook him.
Anger made him swing a sword, and cut off the ear of the high-priests servant.
Pressure made him deny Jesus three times.

Peter wasn’t rebellious; He was just human.

Naming the emotion is where we stop pretending we’re above being human and start practicing courage right where we are.

✨ Takeaway: Awareness breaks the automatic reaction cycle.

2) Let the Emotion Move Through Your Body

This one’s simple… and it changes everything.

Emotions show up in your body first.

  • Tight chest.

  • Hot cheeks.

  • Clenched jaw.

  • Knotted stomach.

  • Racing heart.

Your body’s giving you information, but the trouble starts when your brain treats that information like an emergency siren screaming, “Do something right now!”

📖 Isaiah 30:15 (NASB)
“In quietness and trust is your strength.”

Quietness creates strength.
Stillness restores clarity.

🧬 Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor discovered that when an emotion is triggered, your body releases a biochemical response that lasts about 90 seconds.

That’s it.
One minute and thirty seconds.

After those 90 seconds, if the emotion keeps going, it’s no longer the chemistry driving it. It’s the thoughts you’re replaying that are refueling the feeling.

So that surge you feel?
Don’t worry, it’s not permanent.

It’s a wave.
It rises.
It peaks.
And it falls.

When you give your body space to process that wave instead of reacting to it, you stop feeding the emotion with panic thoughts. You let it move through instead of becoming it.

That’s why slowing your breathing works.
That’s why unclenching your jaw matters.
That’s why grounding your feet or placing a hand on your heart actually helps.

You’re giving your nervous system time to settle so your brain can come back online and wisdom can step back in.

You’re not ignoring the emotion.
You’re just not handing it the steering wheel.

✨ Takeaway: You can ride the wave without obeying the wave.

3) Choose Your Response From Who You’re Becoming

Once the wave settles, you arrive at a crossroads. 

You can react from the feeling.

Or 

You can respond from your calling.

This is the sacred space where courage is born.

📖 Proverbs 19:2 (NASB)
“He who hurries his footsteps errs.”

When we rush, we make mistakes.

That’s exactly what emotional reactivity does. It speeds us up and quietly steals our wisdom.

This is where you ask better questions:

  • What response lines up with who I want to be?

  • What response honors Father and the future I’m building?

  • Is this coming from fear… or from faith?

Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane shows us what emotional courage really looks like.

📖 Matthew 26:38–39 (NASB)
“My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death… yet not as I will, but as You will.”

📖 Luke 22:44 (NASB)
“And being in agony He was praying very fervently…”

Jesus felt deeply.
He didn’t deny it.
He also didn’t follow the feeling into disobedience.

He followed Father.

Now, don’t fret. If you’ve reacted in a way you regret (and who hasn’t), you’re not disqualified.

📖 Romans 8:1 (NASB)
“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

So, remember, courage is built one pause at a time.

✨ Takeaway: The pause is where freedom lives.

Time to take some courageous action so you can be a doer of the Word and not just a hearer only.

🛠️ Courageous Action: The 90-Second Reset

Next time emotions spike, practice this simple rhythm.

1) Notice and Name It
“I’m feeling anxious.”
“I’m feeling defensive.”
“I’m feeling discouraged.”

2) Ride the 90-Second Wave
Unclench your jaw.
Relax your shoulders.
Put your feet on the ground.
Breathe slowly.

Tell yourself, “I can feel this, but I don’t have to follow it.”

3) Choose Your Response
Ask, “What response lines up with who I want to be?”
Then take the aligned step, not the emotional one.

Show Notes

🗓 Summary
Have you ever made a decision while emotional, then later thought, “Why did I do that?” I’ve been there too. In this episode, I’m showing you how to feel your emotions without letting them lead you, so you can protect your relationships, make clearer business decisions, and hear Father more clearly. Your feelings are real… but they don’t get the final vote…you do.

✨ Who This Is For
This is for faith-driven women entrepreneurs who feel:

  • Emotionally reactive under stress

  • Stuck in regret after “heat of the moment” reactions

  • Pulled off track in business, parenting, marriage, or friendships

🔎 What You’ll Learn

  • How to stop emotions from hijacking your choices

  • What “amygdala survival mode” looks like in real life

  • 3 courageous practices to respond instead of react

  • The 90-second reset to calm your body and regain clarity

  • How to choose the aligned step, not the emotional one

💬 Sound Bites

  • “Your feelings are valid, but they don’t get the final vote.”

  • “Emotions are a signal, not the steering wheel.”

  • “The pause is where freedom lives.”

  • “Feel it… don’t follow it.”

🛠️ Courageous Action
Try the 90-Second Reset:

  1. Name the feeling.

  2. Breathe and ride the 90-second wave (jaw unclenched, feet grounded, slow exhale). Let it release from your body.

  3. Ask: “What response lines up with who I want to be?” Then take the aligned step.

⏱️ Chapters
00:05 Emotions hijack us (and the “final vote” truth)
02:18 Real-life vulnerability: where I messed up
04:15 Stuffing emotions leads to explosions
06:15 Feel it, don’t follow it (runaway stagecoach)
08:16 Survival brain + stress + fear loops
10:18 Jesus vs. Peter: courage vs. reactivity
14:31 Practice #1: Pause and name it
16:26 Practice #2: Let it move through your body
20:28 Practice #3: Choose your response
31:15 Courageous Action: The 90-Second Reset
33:29 Share + next episode teaser (series wrap-up)

🎉 Who Am I
Hey friend, I’m Heather—your Courageous Coach. I help Christian women entrepreneurs go from stuck, not-enough, and fearful to focused, confident, and courageous action so they can grow themselves and their businesses. I also help coaches, speakers, and authors turn ideas into systems and books that create impact and income.

💡 Let’s Stay Connected
📖 Hello Courageous Book: hellocourageous.com
🛒 *Get on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4oSc855
🆓 Beat Procrastination Cheat Sheet • hellocourageous.com/beatit
🆓 Overcome Fear by Friday Challenge • hellocourageous.com/fearchallenge
🌐 Website: heatherbunch.com
📧 Email: hello@heatherbunch.com
📸 Instagram: @heatherlbunch

*Affiliate link: if you purchase using this link, I’ll make a small commission.